Addiction has a physical as well as a mental component. The physical part is resolved by detoxing to remove the chemicals from my body. The more daunting task is to change my thinking and how I respond to life. My healthy response to life is the key to overcoming the obsession to use alcohol or drugs. Learning those responses has been and will continue to be something I work on and deal with.
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Living with death as a companion
There was a point in my life where my perspective revolved around the thought of death because living was excruciatingly difficult and uncomfortable. The road to my recovery was dark and at times extremely depressing. Death has never been a big fear of mine, it had to be better than living in my addiction with all the fears of life.
Learning, falling, crash and burn
Most of the time those lessons were uncomfortable, but today those are some of my fondest memories because I overcame situations that used to baffle me. The problem was learning to live again. I did not understand those people who woke up everyday and were happy to be alive. The first time I felt peace I couldn’t even name it. My boyfriend had to explain that feeling.
A living perspective
The solution to my addiction, I found out, had nothing to do with my using or not using meth and other drugs. My experience in my recovery and the experiences of others in recovery show me that life is worth experiencing and living is preferable to death.That shift of perspective showed me a path to a solution rather than wallowing in the problem, my bruised ego.
Connected-ness
I firmly believe that anyone in the thrall of addiction can NEVER make a connection with anyone, anything or even themselves. The sense of being “a part of” and belonging has helped me to realize where I fit in to the big scheme. Because of this being connected to those around me and being a part of something bigger than me, I can not only face my fears but feel peace at times.
Tools of the trade
One of the milestones of my recovery was finding Crystal Meth Anonymous (CMA), and the recovery that they offered to me. Coming from a smaller city that did not have CMA meetings, I’ve come to realize the absolute benefit that this group brings to my program, when 2 years ago, I didn’t even realize this group existed.
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After thoughts
Mental health and addiction go hand in hand. Many of us who struggle with drugs and/or alcohol also experience overwhelming moments of sadness and anxiety. When you’ve burned your life to the ground, it can feel like a burden to be alive. There is hope, because there is a solution. Seek out mental health professionals and also attend to your sobriety. Just don’t give up, because on the other side of negative emotions is life of peace. You are worth it!
